Pies & Pastries, The Farmhouse Table

Oh my, pie!

Nobody knows pie crust better than little old ladies at church. Especially little old ladies at a little tiny town country church. They were born to make pies and they live up to their potential with every flaky, mouthwatering bite. And sometimes they will even tell you their secrets. If you think you can’t make homemade pie crust, you need this recipe. If you think you don’t have time to make homemade pie crust, you need this recipe. If you think homemade pie crust isn’t important, you need this recipe.

You can make this pie crust in under 10 minutes. Probably in 5 if you are in pie crust making races. If not, you can relax and take an extra couple minutes. It is easy, fast, perfect and flaky, and you will feel like a little old church lady when you’re through. Wait, that didn’t come out right…. You will be excited and you will feel like a baking genius! Your friends and family will be amazed, and you will never have pie despair again! And so, with an homage to little old church ladies everywhere-

How to make Foolproof Pie Crust:

4 cups all-purpose flour
1 3/4 cups shortening
1 tablespoon sugar
2 teaspoons salt
1 tablespoon vinegar
1 egg
1/2 cup very cold water

Add flour, shortening, sugar, and salt to a large bowl.





Aren’t pastry cutters beautiful?


I was watching this documentary about how the invention of the pastry cutter was what allowed Cro-Magnon man to surpass and eventually entirely surplant the Neanderthal in the chain of human evolution. Or it might have been greater linguistic competence and cultural sophistication and the xbox 360, I don’t know, I wasn’t watching that closely. I was making pie. In any case, you must have a pastry cutter for perfect pie crust, so go get you one at Wal-Mart for two bucks.





Mix flour and shortening with a pastry cutter until it looks nice and crumbly. In a small bowl, whisk together the vinegar, egg, and water.





Add to the flour mixture, stirring in till well-moistened.





Stick your hands in there.





And shape it into a great, big, wonderful ball of pastry dough. (Don’t overhandle.)

Admire it for a moment and think about how proud the little old church ladies are going to be.

And about how wonderful it is to live in a world that includes pie.


Divide the dough into four equal-size balls.





Wrap each ball with plastic and refrigerate for at least 15 minutes before using. Or, if you want to use it faster, stick it in the freezer for 5 minutes. (You can keep this pie crust dough in the refrigerator for a week before using, or in the freezer for a couple of months. It freezes well-place dough balls in sealed freezer bags for long storage.)

To use, sprinkle some flour on waxed paper. Sprinkle some more flour on top then roll out, adding more flour if necessary to keep from sticking to your rolling pin. Place in a greased pie pan. I like to just up-end the rolled crust right off the waxed paper on top of the pie pan. Peel off the paper then crimp the edges.





For double-crust pie, repeat the same procedure, venting the top.


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