| User | Post |
|
9:31 am
December 9, 2008
|
GeorgiaZ
| | |
| Guest
| |
|
|
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'
She looks into his eyes and says calmly,
'No, I'm your son's teacher.'
|
|
|
10:44 am
December 9, 2008
|
Salamander
| | Charleston, WV | |
| Moderator
| posts 983 |
|
|
|
|
The person who upsets you the most is your best teacher, because they bring you face to face with who you are.
|
|
|
11:17 am
December 9, 2008
|
Jayne
| | |
| Guest
| |
|
|
I have always loved that one!
:J
|
|
|
12:49 pm
December 9, 2008
|
Leahld22
| | Newburgh, IN | |
| Superstar | posts 2473 |
|
|
I do'nt think I'll be eating anymore celery for a while. Nope, that did it for me. 
|
Life is too important to be taken too seriously.
|
|
|
3:40 pm
December 9, 2008
|
Salamander
| | Charleston, WV | |
| Moderator
| posts 983 |
|
|
I don't think we should play pool either!
|
The person who upsets you the most is your best teacher, because they bring you face to face with who you are.
|
|
|
3:11 pm
December 10, 2008
|
JeannieB
| | Columbia, South Carolina | |
| Superstar | posts 1108 |
|
|
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is
92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was
watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in
all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring
at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.
When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the
matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke
on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style
he did not bat an eye in his response. 'Got drunk once, and had sex with
a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'
|
Don't cry because it's over—smile because it happened!
|
|
|
3:25 pm
December 10, 2008
|
Jayne
| | |
| Guest
| |
|
|
OMY! I just spit my water all over! (I didn't take your cue seriously!)
:J
|
|
|
2:45 pm
December 10, 2008
|
Leahld22
| | Newburgh, IN | |
| Superstar | posts 2473 |
|
|
LOL Jeanie! Your dad is a hoot!
|
Life is too important to be taken too seriously.
|
|
|
11:32 am
December 18, 2008
|
Salamander
| | Charleston, WV | |
| Moderator
| posts 983 |
|
|
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying,
"Jesus Is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then click the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,
"Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, and then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. . "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."
|
The person who upsets you the most is your best teacher, because they bring you face to face with who you are.
|
|
|
1:27 pm
December 18, 2008
|
Leahld22
| | Newburgh, IN | |
| Superstar | posts 2473 |
|
|
That's a good one, Amanda! LOL!!!!
|
Life is too important to be taken too seriously.
|
|
|
7:23 pm
December 18, 2008
|
Belladonna
| | Bossier City, Louisiana | |
| Super Chicken | posts 924 |
|
|
I have heard that one Amanda..and think it's so funny!
|
|
|
12:31 pm
December 20, 2008
|
GeorgiaZ
| | |
| Guest
| |
|
|
A bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'.
'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'
The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'
|
|
|
12:59 pm
December 20, 2008
|
Leahld22
| | Newburgh, IN | |
| Superstar | posts 2473 |
|
|
|
|
Life is too important to be taken too seriously.
|
|
|
8:44 pm
December 20, 2008
|
okbarb
| | |
| Super Chicken | posts 537 |
|
|
Gawd! I love it! I can't wait to tell it…if I can remember after I get up from this chair that is!
|
There are only two ways to live your life: one is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
|
|
|
12:44 am
December 21, 2008
|
Leahld22
| | Newburgh, IN | |
| Superstar | posts 2473 |
|
|
I have the same problem Barb. I'll laugh until I'm cryin at a good joke, then forget it by the time I need a joke! HA,HA.! If someone would ask me to tell a joke, my mind just goes BLANK! Sounds like I'm havin a Senior Moment or something!
|
Life is too important to be taken too seriously.
|
|
|
3:56 pm
December 21, 2008
|
IowaDeb
| | Quad City Area | |
| Super Chicken | posts 713 |
|
|
Granny's Pies
Granny made such beautiful pies! One day I asked her, “How do you get such beautiful pies with the crimps around the edge so even?”
“It's a family secret” she said. “So promise not to tell.
I roll out the dough, cut a bottom layer, and carefully put it in the pie plate.
Then I slowly pour the filling, making sure it is not foo full. Next I cut a top layer and put it over the filling.
Finally I take out my teeth and just run them around the edge of the pie crust, and they make the nicest even impressions that you ever did see!”
|
Sometimes,I live in my own little world, but it's okay because they know me here.
|
|
|
5:35 pm
December 21, 2008
|
beeyourself
| | |
| Guest
| |
|
|
Tee Hee Hee (that's a troll laugh!)
|
|
|
10:12 pm
December 21, 2008
|
Jayne
| | |
| Guest
| |
|
|
Oh no! Not pie! How will I ever look at pie the same again?
|
|
|
1:40 am
December 22, 2008
|
Leahld22
| | Newburgh, IN | |
| Superstar | posts 2473 |
|
|
Now do'nt go tellin your Granny's secrets Deb! Ha, Ha!
|
Life is too important to be taken too seriously.
|
|
|
8:42 am
December 31, 2008
|
Salamander
| | Charleston, WV | |
| Moderator
| posts 983 |
|
|
|
|
The person who upsets you the most is your best teacher, because they bring you face to face with who you are.
|
|
Contact
Login 
Register 
Search 
18
Print this Post 
