GeorgiaZ, you really are too much! Those suggestions really are insane! LOL! I'm going to try the “would you like fries with that?” thing out at work on my coworkers and a select few of my elderly patients. HA!

GeorgiaZ…as usual, I was CRACKING UP over those..esp. the one of putting Marijuana, in the For____ on checks. LOL LOL LOL Well, several of those just cracked me up. LOL

I do love Frank! LOL!

When I was little and saw an angel on top the tree I told my Mom it looked like the tree was up her butt.  So now everytime we see one on a tree we look at each other and laugh.

First let me apologize to any attorneys, spouses of attorneys, friends and family of attorneys, and new Roane Country prosecutors…

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court.  These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
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Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
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Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year
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Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
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Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
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Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
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Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
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Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
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Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
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Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
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Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
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Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
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Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
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Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
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Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
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Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr.. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an Autopsy.
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Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
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And my personal favorite:

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
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'Nuff said…

IowaDeb…that is tooo funny! LOL

Milt and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to  
feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels, and discuss world problems. 

One day Milt didn't show up..  Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.  But after Milt hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried.  However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know exactly where Milt lived, so he was unable to find out what

had happened to him.    

A month passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Milt, 
but one day, Sam approached the park and — lo and behold! –there sat Milt!   Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.  Then he said, 'For crying out loud Milt, what in the world happened to you?'  
 
Milt replied, 'I've been in jail.' 

'Jail?' cried  Sam.  'What in the world for?'  

'Well,' Milt  said, 'You know Alexis, that cute little blonde 
waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?'  
 
'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her.  What about her?' 
 
'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me, and at 89
years old, I  was so proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty.'

'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'

Georgia that was too funny!